The story of Sarasvati
The Life Before and After
I am recollecting what my life was like before meeting Guru Ji. Best of all I remember that I never was an optimist, I often felt the lack of assertiveness. Since my childhood I have always been surrounded by love, attention and care of my people; I always felt their support. Everything around seemed beautiful and good, but as is often I all the same lacked something.
In my student years I met a wonderful, full of optimism man who encouraged me to believe in myself and gave as a present that entirely particular feeling – the love between man and woman. That youth became my husband and the father of my children. We built our family on the base of big love and some other purest feelings to each other. For a long time we lived together the two of us trying to become free persons in one family. When I felt myself mature enough for this responsible move – to accept one more person into our circle, then the soul descended to us – our firstborn. Thus we became a family.
Life was beautiful and hard at the same time. In some years the second sonny enriched our trinity. I seemed to wish no more, what am I lacking? Two children – healthy, beautiful and happy; loving and beloved husband, everyday life is arranged and made most comfortable. And at that I felt something wrong in my life.
There came crisis into our family. There were many disappointments, many quarrels, many unsatisfied hopes and the imaginary level of life quality was raised too high. I was grasped by gloominess. I thought of a divorcement and offered it to my husband. It’s good, that he possessing rather a sober mind did not yield to those my provocations. Yet even more sharp thoughts used to come to my mind. The endless questions were spinning in my head “And what is really this sense of life? What do I want? What do I strive for? What is the purpose of my life like? Should I live further the same way, not seeing any joy? Should I float on the surface still more?” I saw no prospects in life, there left no drop of optimism, as for my husband I did not hear him either by ears or by heart.
And then something new became to occur; I never experienced anything alike. The Higher Strengths of a World began to lay out the mosaic of my life. It all started from my changing the job, new people gathered around me; later I noticed that it was just the beginning of my inner and outer changes. It’s amazing how smoothly those alterations took place; I never perceived any stress at that. Now, turning back, I seem was a kind of marionette; as if some puppeteer from outward moved its arms and legs. My first job at which I thought to get to my old years, I changed unexpectedly quickly – still in two weeks. Soon, one of the specialists from my new work quitted, and a new officer came; and it was just he, who in the direct sense of the word took me to my spiritual Master. Those incredible “trifles” seem to be such only until you can see what they finished with – such wonderful coming to Guru Ji.
I must say that before meeting with the Master I was not the so called “searcher”, I did not rushed about different “confessions”, I did not search where God is and whether it really is. My parents were not practicing Catholics; they did not talk of God, did not pray, did not go to kostel. But there were the feeling that it is very calm in family, in the bottom of the heart they believed in destiny, in some Higher Strength governing our lives. I myself even did not think of whether God exists or not. But life brought me to some inexplicable phenomena after which I understood that there is some strength above man – higher and mightier. Especially I remembered such moment near the sea. We were wandering about the sea shore and looking for “yantariki”, but nobody found any. And in my mind there were sounding the child’s prayer to guardian angel with the request to help me to find at least one small piece of amber. My husband was absolutely sure that there is no amber on this part of a shore, and here I am bending forward and picking a beautiful piece of amber!
So I came to the first meeting with Guru Ji. I was looking at him and it was clear that I am there where I should be! Frankly speaking, I could not clearly envisage what spiritual Master my colleague was talking about and what in generally the words “spiritual Master” mean. I was full of fears; so for my first meeting with the Master – satsang – I invited my beloved husband whose opinion in such questions I appreciated greatly. The purpose was a single: let him listen and see as well whether it will not be bad for me in any aspect to go to a personal meeting with Guru Ji. My husband went together with me and after satsang said that he did not see any bad in this, that the Master talked of eternal values and beautiful aspects of life. So I got the approval of my most important man!
A new life started from that day. My gloominess ceased. I understood that I got out from that hole – everything started moving forward. The main task was to learn to live in concord with myself, with children and all people around. The beginning was not an easy one, because I did not want to advance the spiritual way without my husband’s understanding and support. I needed not only understanding that I met my spiritual Master, but I needed meetings with him. My husband was worrying and in some sense feared to lose me. I had to talk to him very much, explain and seek for mutual understanding. My husband now is not an “active” disciple, but he does not mind my communications with Guru Ji, supports me and notices by himself the changes taking place in me.
Besides, our family got the fantastic opportunity to meet the Master personally. My husband received the answers to the questions which caused some anxiety about me, my spiritual life and our family life. Our children know that their Mom has got the Master. The elder son is glad to hear any talks about the Master, about God, about Life.
I myself am glad about my life. At everything. Even if there happen the more complicated periods I do not allow “to slacken the reins” and start being harried or sad – I endeavour to control myself thinking at this that this period of complexities will also go away. It is only thanks to knowledge obtained from Guru Ji I am able to control myself; not to get angry with my husband for his another opinion, but lend my ear to him, I can calm down myself and simply perceive inside that everything will be all right. I feel now that my life in a family is the service to husband, to children to family itself. I was rather afraid of the word “service” earlier; I thought that a man and a woman are absolutely equal partners in a family and it cannot be any service. But now while thinking over it I am coming to understanding that the work of a woman is to take care of her family, to raise up her children healthy physically and mentally.
Life becomes more quiet. Even after the strong standing up for one’s own opinion between me and husband, there is no tension left as it was before. I understand that my life is my family, that I am not going to divorce with the second half of my life, and therefore, is it worth while getting angry because of some trifle or another opinion of my beloved, which I would rather hear.
